


Light of my life

by LadyFrost (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Orphan Bucky, Rating will go up, a lot of fluff is gonna be involved, but can't guarantee for anything, i have too many feelings about those boys so yeah..., i really try, i suck at them, i try to take it slow, please don't judge the story by it's summary!, pre-serum steve at first, sorry for the lame title (again), winter soldier will also be mentioned but muuuuch later, written from bucky's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:04:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LadyFrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bucky? What kind of name's that? Surely that's not what your parents call you?"<br/>Bucky was wondering if he was bound to be angry or not, but when he saw the joy shining in the other's eyes he grinned.<br/>"Nah, 'course not. My proper name is James Buchanan Barnes."<br/>"Bucky probably is better," the blond grinned and extended his hand towards Bucky, "I am Steve. Proper name 's Steven Grant Rogers."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky pulled the door of his flat closed behind himself and sighed wearily. Even though he had been working at the docks, he felt restless at home. It still was all so new to him. The whole 'living alone' thing. It wasn't like his foster parents had kicked him out. Not at all, no. He just had decided that he was finally old enough to get a place on his own and so he had gotten one. Still... Being at home always was such a silent thing. He wasn't used to be all alone without somebody to annoy him or begging him to play. Life with his foster parents had been easy and never lonely. There had always been somebody around, especially a lot of kids, and now he just had to get used to this new silence in his life.

He pushed his hair out of his face and skipped down the steps two at a time to make his way to Coney Island. The beach was always a good place to sort his thoughts out and there were usually enough people around to cause some noise.

The sand was soft beneath his feet and he didn't mind the salty water that soaked his pants. It was a warm enough day to appreciate the coolness of the water. Bucky just walked along the shore for a while, staring out across the ocean. It was tainted in red and orange hues, because the sun was already setting and it was a marvellous sight. He occasionally looked up at the seagulls circling high above his head on the look out for food, but mostly he watched the children playing around, shrieking when the water came to close to their castles made of sand.

When he reached the quieter part of the beach, he looked down at his feet and how they sank into the soft sand, lost deep in thought. Sometimes he just couldn't help but wonder if he was having a good life. He certainly thought he did, but sometimes he just felt like something was missing. He had parents – foster parents – who loved him dearly and he loved them for it just as much in return. Then there were the dames too. They actually flocked around him whenever he spent a night out and it was nice, but yet it wasn't what he was missing. He kissed them and all and might have even taken one home whenever he had known that he could get her into the house without his parents noticing... Now he didn't have to worry about that anymore and he appreciated it. It was always nice as long as it lasted, but it never was anything serious and somehow he guessed that was exactly what he was missing. Something serious. A proper relationship with someone he loved. He had friends too, certainly, but nobody he felt completely at ease when he was around them.

"Hey! Watch out!"

The voice startled him out of his reverie and he looked around, looking for the person who'd been talking, but couldn't see anybody.

"I am down here, man!"

Bucky looked down and spotted a boy – probably around his age – sitting in the sand with a notebook propped up against his knees. The boy was looking up at him with a deep frown on his face, but all Bucky really took in about his appearance were his bright blue eyes.

"Ah--sorry."

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and took a step back when he realized that he had almost stepped on the other boy.

The blond nodded curtly and started sketching again. Bucky was looking down at the drawings and was amazed by the display of talent he saw.

"You're really good!"

Startingly blue eyes met his again and now he also noticed the long lashes framing them. Bucky swallowed hard and felt heat creep up into his cheeks, causing him to look at his feet again. He knew that the blond was still watching him, but didn't dare to look back so he just stood there felling really awkward.

"Thank you."

The smile curled his lips before he could do anything about it and he let himself fall into the sand next to the other boy.

"Mind if I stay here for a bit?"

The blond shook his head, smiling a bit himself and then turned back towards his drawings. For a while they just sat in silence, the daylight slowly fading, casting everything in shadow.

"I am Bucky."

He had been staring out over the ocean again and now looked around when he heard a chuckle.

"Bucky? What kind of name's that? Surely that's not what your parents call you?"

Bucky was wondering if he was bound to be angry or not, but when he saw the joy shining in the other's eyes he grinned.

"Nah, 'course not. My _proper_ name is James Buchanan Barnes."

"Bucky probably is better," the blond grinned and extended his hand towards Bucky, "I am Steve. _Proper_ name 's Steven Grant Rogers."

Bucky shook his hand and finally looked a bit more closely at the other boy.

Steve was tall but scrawny, with thick blond hair that shone like spun gold in the light of the setting sun and eyes so blue, Bucky had a hard time to determine what shade of blue they really were. And most amazing -- as silly as it may sound -- were Steve's eyelashes. They fanned out over his cheekbones perfectly when he closed his eyes and Bucky had the weird urge to touch them.

No. Wait. Steve wasn't some dame he was checking out.

Bucky shook his head to clear his thoughts and hoped desperately that nothing of what he had been thinking had been too obvious on his face.

"You alright?"

Steve tilted his head and put his drawing utensils aside.

"Yeah," Bucky nodded quickly and got to his feet, determined not too think to much about Steve's _lashes_ any more.

"I guess I gotta go now. It's getting late... Not that somebody is waiting for me or anything but I--uh--Well, I have to work again tomorrow."

God. He felt so dumb, stuttering like some shy and nervous virgin on her first date. What should Steve be thinking about him!?

"Okay. Do you mind if we go back together? The way home always seems so long when I am alone."

Was that a good idea? But hell, the way Steve was looking at him with his perfect blue eyes let Bucky know that he was a goner already.

"Yeah sure, you can come along."

Steve beamed at him and Bucky helped him to his feet, noticing how thin Steve really was and how he had seemed taller when sitting. Now the top of his head was level with Bucky's shoulder.

"Is something wrong?"

Bucky blushed a deep shade of red when he realized that Steve had caught him staring and he mumbled something incoherently before he just shrugged and started walking.

On their way home Steve told Bucky that he was living with his Ma – his Dad had died a couple years back – and was trying his best to become an artist. Bucky thought there was no better job in the world for Steve after he had skimmed through his sketchbook and Steve blushed in the sweetest way when Bucky told him so.

They also found out that they lived only a couple of blocks apart from each other. So that was good. It meant they would most likely meet each other again sooner or later.

-

Work on the docks was tiring, but it earned him enough money so Bucky kept coming back. He knew his parents would help him out if he ever came into a tight spot, but he wanted to avoid that. Being almost eighteen he thought that he was supposed to take care of himself.

A couple of days prior, he had been thinking that his life was good and he still wanted to believe that, but something had changed. When he was home alone at night he felt like something cold had settled in his chest. That something was missing even more than before and he couldn't point his finger on it. It was unnerving, really. He wanted it to stop, wanted to be happy with the life he got and not worry about something that was missing without even knowing what it was.

A darkness had settled over him.

-

"Oi! Bucky!"

He turned around and when he spotted Steve's face in the crowd it was like the sun was coming up. His chest suddenly felt too small for his heart and he got that warm feeling deep inside himself.

Steve had troubles weaving through the crowd, being pushed around by the other people, but he eventually managed to reach Bucky and smiled up at him.

"You're on your way home from work?"

A moment passed and Bucky wasn't able to say anything, he just stood there and looked down at the blond, completely lost in the things he was feeling.

Long fingers brushed over his arm and Bucky nearly jumped out of his skin, which made Steve draw his hand back quickly.

"Sorry," Steve looked down at his feet and Bucky silently cursed at himself.

"No, it's alright. I am sorry... and really suprised to see you here."

He couldn't help but smile when those blue eyes met his again, alight with joy.

"Yeah, well, I was just about to pick up some groceries so my Ma won't have to do that once she get's home from work. She's gonna be tired and I want her to have something to eat."

How perfect could he get?!

"That sounds really nice."

"Would you come over if I invited you too?"

Steve looked so hopeful and Bucky hated to disappoint him, but he was sure that it wasn't a good idea at all to go with Steve.

"I am sorry. I would love too, but see, I stink and am sweaty from work and really can't wait to be home and sit down."

His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but Steve never let it slip off his face and nodded his head once.

"Okay. Maybe another time?"

"Yeah," Bucky nodded and tried not to flinch away again when Steve clapped him on the shoulder before he turned around and disappeared into the crowd again.

Bucky continued his way home, absently rubbing over his arm where Steve had touched him, his thoughts a pure mess.

_What the hell was he doing?_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye, this is a bit shorter than the first chapter, but if I wouldn't have made the break here it would've become far too long. Hope you enjoy and thanks for the kudos so far! :)

Bucky rang the doorbell and then quickly looked down at his feet, already feeling ashamed that he hadn't visited in such a long time. When the door was being opened, he looked up again and found Anne – his foster mother – smile happily at him before she gathered him into a tight hug.

"You look older."

They were sitting in the kitchen and Bucky looked up from his steaming mug of hot chocolate, suprised.

Anne was taking a close look at him and then reached out over the table to push some hair out of his face.

"Do you eat enough?"

Bucky just nodded. Her hand was resting on his cheek now and the look in here eyes had turned worried.

"Sleep enough?"

Bucky nodded again, hitched a smile on his face and took her hand into both of his.

"I am fine Ma, really. Work is just a bit exhausting, 's all. I promise that I eat and sleep enough."

She didn't seem convinced, but smiled again and pulled his hand up to her face, kissing his knuckles.

"I am your mother. I have to be worried. But you do know that you can come back home whenever you feel the need to?"

"I know, yes."

He slowly let go of her hand and picked his mug up again, trying not to look too guilty, because he had lied to her.

Bucky did indeed eat and sleep, just not enough. Whenever he wanted to eat, his stomach was acting up weird and sleeping didn't prove much easier, considering that he couldn't keep a certain blond out of his dreams. He had thought about visiting Steve. A lot, actually, but never did it.

Several weeks had passed since they had met on Bucky's way home after work. He had hoped that Steve would fade from his mind with time, but at the same time kept looking for him wherever he went.

-

"Hey boy!"

One of his co-workers, Jim, walked over to him and pointed over his shoulder.

"D'you know that kid?"

Bucky looked around and was suprised to see a tiny frame with familiar blond hair.

"Yeah I do. Why?"

Jim grinned, revealing crooked teeth.

"Has been straing at you for a while now, thought I'd ask if you know him."

"Can I leave for a moment?"

The other man shrugged, "As long as it's really only a moment..."

Bucky grinned and jogged over to where Steve stood.

"Hello."

Steve looked up at Bucky, his blue eyes wide and a rosy glow tinting his cheeks.

"Hey. I -- uh -- I came by and -- I guess... -- Sorry, this is awkward."

Bucky couldn't help but happily smile at the personified cuteness standing in front of him.

" 's not awkward at all. I am happy you came looking for me since I couldn't make my mind up about visiting you."

"Really?" Steve smiled, "Then I am really glad I could make up my mind. Always thought that only simple people work at the docks."

Bucky gasped in mock outrage and Steve laughed at his expression.

Looked like that one had a quick mouth, unlike all the dames Bucky had met – but wait, this wasn't the same. Steve was a guy as well and if Bucky wasn't one thing, it was queer. He wasn't like that and pretty sure that neither was Steve.

Anyways, Steve seemed to be a delightful person and Bucky wanted to call him a friend.

"So..." Steve looked around, his voice trailing off and Bucky took that chance to study the blond's profile. His nose might have been a bit too big, but Bucky thought it was perfect and so were his high cheekbones and his fair complexion. Steve's eyes were still as blue as he remembered them and his lashes -- The lashes! -- Bucky groaned inwardly, pushing that silly thought from his mind.

When he heard Jim calling for him, he turned and then smiled apologetically at Steve.

"Gotta go. Work is calling."

Steve nodded and smiled up at him.

"Alright. See you, I guess."

Bucky smiled in return and wanted to go back to work when long fingers curled around his wrist for the shortest of moments.

Looking back at Steve, he found the blond blushing and avoiding his eyes.

"Sorry Bucky, I just – Would you be up for a drink tonight? There's this new bar down the block and I've heard they have the best beer around."

Bucky just stared at him for a moment, trying to calm the whirlwind in his head.

Steve peeked up at him through his lashes and when he met Bucky's eyes, his own became wide.

"Bucky, I just mean this in a platonic way! I am -- please don't think I am queer. I am only interested in dames, really and I -- I just think you're a good lad and I like talking to you. Please don't look at me like this."'

His voice was an urgent whisper and Bucky snapped back into reality, idly wondering what Steve had seen on his face.

"Boy! Will you move your ass back over here now?!"

Jim's voice cut through the silence between them and Bucky whipped around, not looking at Steve when he spoke, "I would really like that, but not tonight. Really have to go now. Bye."

He took off at a run and couldn't make out the words of Steve's response, but when he looked back over his shoulder, the blond was gone.

-

This was a mess. It was a big fucking mess.

All that Bucky wanted was to be able to act decently around Steve and become friends with him. It just didn't work, though. That scrawny guy with the blond hair and oh-so-blue eyes, the long fingered, clean hands of an artist and a smile brighter than the sun... That guy awoke emotions in Bucky he would never have thought himself capable of feeling.

And he had made a complete arse out of himself at the docks earlier. Even worse: Jim had asked him if Steve was one of that 'queer folks' traying to seduce Bucky. The look on the man's face when asking that had been absolutely terrifying. Bucky, of course, had told him that, no, Steve was only a friend from school. Jim hadn't looked convinced, but had dropped the subject at last.

Now Bucky was sitting on his kinda shabby couch and asked himself if he maybe should go over to Steve's place and apologize for his behaviour.

What could he say though?

_"Sorry that I was so weird earlier, but I just can't think clearly around you. It might be your smile or your eyes or maybe even your pink lips, but yeah, I just wanted to say sorry. Still want to go for a drink?"_

Right. Bucky snorted and slapped himself on the forehead.

-

Approximately half a hour later, Bucky stood in front of the apartment Steve lived in with his Ma. It took a lot of willpower and some silent cursing at himself for Bucky to lift his hand and knock.

Mrs. Rogers was the one to answer the door and when she smiled, Bucky instantly knew where Steve had his looks from.

"Good evening, ma'am. Is Steven at home?"

She looked him up and down, her smile growing bigger.

"Stevie is at home, yes. You must be Bucky?"

Bucky nodded, suprised that Steve had told her about him.

"Give me a second. I'll go get him."

"Thanks ma'am."

She looked over her shoulder when she walked down the hallway, still smiling.

"No need to call me ma'am. I am Sarah."

Bucky gave her a shy smile and nodded again.

A moment later Steve came down the hallway, his face and hands smeared with paint.

"What brings you here?"

The smile was missing from his face and Bucky was genuinely afraid that he had offended Steve.


	3. Chapter 3

The awkward silence between them seemed to stretch on for endless minutes and Bucky started to feel really uneasy. Steve was looking at his face, a line appearing between his eyebrows when he started to frown.

"Bucky?"

"I am sorry." He mumbled under his breath and felt his face grow hot.

Steve wasn't done with his torture, though.

"What for?"

"For what happened."

Gosh, but he just couldn't look at that blue eyes any longer and looked down at his hands instead, scratching at a piece of dirt that stuck to his thumbnail.

"And what exactly did happen? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you want to apologize, I am just curious as to what you are apologizing for."

Steve made an angry noise at the back of his throat when Bucky still didn't look at him and grabbed his chin, forcing his head up a bit. The paint that stuck to Steve's hand felt uncomfortable on Bucky's skin and he shied away from the touch, but Steve didn't let go. No, he was just staring Bucky dead in the eyes, obviously trying to read his mind or something like that.

Bucky couldn't speak. He really wanted to, but his words stuck in his throat and there suddenly was a lump too big to swallow down.

"Are you sorry for not accepting my offer to go for a drink? Or are you sorry for not coming over? Or -- just to be sure -- are you sorry that you met me because you're actually terrified that I might be queer and you don't know if it's going to infect you too or not...?"

Once the last word was out of his mouth, he let his hand drop from Bucky's face and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Bucky shook his head, swallowing hard, trying to find his voice again.

"No Steve. That's not it. I am just sorry for acting like the biggest asshole that has ever graced this planet."

And that did the trick. Steve grinned at him and playfully pushed at his arm.

"You're a jerk, but I guess I like you."

Bucky shook his head, grinning too.

"Why, thank you, I guess? As for the drink -- today won't work because of work tomorrow, but we could go this friday?"

Steve beamed at him, "Sounds great!"

Little did Bucky know back then.

-

Work on Friday dragged on and Bucky was practically looking down at his watch every _second_. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

However, it finally was time to go home and he rushed there, almost slipping and cracking his head open on the tiles when he hurried to get a shower. Steve hadn't said anything about when they would meet, but Bucky was determined to pick him up and that probably meant that he had to hurry.

His heart was thumping against his ribcage for whatever reason and his hands were shaking so badly when he buttoned up his shirt, that it took him much longer than it usually would.

"Get a grip, Barnes..."

What was he even doing?! Steve and he would go and drink beer, he wasn't going on a fucking date. He shook his head in exasperation and bit down on his lip, checking his hair in the mirror _again_ as he walked by.

It didn't take him long to get to Steve's place and Bucky took a deep breath before he knocked, running a hand through his hair.

Like last time, Mrs. Rog- Sarah, opened the door, but this time she wasn't smiling.

"Oh, I was wondering when you would come over... Steve mentioned you probably would."

Bucky's heart sank and he tried to peer around her, wondering where Steve was.

"Is everything alright?"

The worried expression on her face was unnerving him.

"I am afraid that Steve won't be able to go with you. He isn't feeling too well."

"Can I see him? Is it something serious?"

He knew he had no right to ask about it, being a stranger and all, but he needed to know if Steve was alright.

Sarah sighed and looked like she would decline his request but then she nodded curtly.

"Okay. Just let me ask him if that's alright for him, yes?"

"Yeah," Bucky let out the breath he had been holding and waited for her to come back.

"Bucky!"

As soon as she called, he hurried into the apartment, quickly kicking off his shoes in the hallway. He didn't even pay attention to the living room when he walked over to the door where Sarah stood. There now was a tired smile on her face and she stepped aside to let him through.

Steve was lying on a narrow bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin. His eyes were glassy when he looked at Bucky and the ghost of a smile played about his lips.

"Hey."

Bucky walked over and crouched next to the bed, tenderly placing a hand on Steve's forehead.

"You have a fever."

"I know."

Steve chuckled, but it made him cough and he grimaced.

"Sorry."

Bucky snorted. "Don't be silly! You don't have to apologize for coughing."

Steve just shrugged and Bucky trailed his fingertips down to Steve's cheeks, hoping that his fingers were cold enough to cool Steve's hot skin down a bit.

"Don't look like this. I am not dying Bucky."

"Punk."

That made the blond laugh again, but he was soon gasping for air and grabbed an inhaler from the nightstand.

"Sorry..."

Steve shook his head when he was able breathe again. "Don't be silly. You don't have to apologize for making me laugh ... even if it's almost killing me."

It was amazing how he was up for joking even though he looked like hell. Bucky admired him so much for it. He might not look it, but Steve was _strong_.

"I would have rather you're getting better soon so I can make you laugh without risking your well being."

"Mhm... Me too. I would've really liked to go for that drink tonight."

He sounded hoarse and was wheezing. It broke Bucky's heart, but he kept a smile plastered to his face, so Steve wouldn't think that he was pitying him, because he really wasn't.

"We'll get that drink as soon as you're up on your feet again. Promise."

Something on Steve's face changed and he looked like he was about to say something, but then Sarah came into the room.

"I have to go to work now Stevie. Is there anything you need before I leave?"

Steve smiled over at her and shook his head.

"No Ma, it's alright. I have everything I need."

She came over and kissed his forehead and then looked down at Bucky.

"Make him take his medicine, okay? He's a bit stubborn sometimes when it comes to that."

Steve clucked his tongue, but Bucky nodded.

"I will."

-

Hot breath ruffled through his hair and Bucky's head snapped up. He looked around completely disorientated and had no idea where he was at first.

"Hey jerk. Calm down. You just fell asleep."

Steve was only whispering and Bucky looked at him, startled by the way the blond hair stuck to Steve's forehead and his eyes were even more glassy than before.

"Did your fever go up?"

Steve just shrugged, took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I will call an ambulance."

He was up on his feet quicker than ever before in his life, but Steve's fingers closed around his wrist and tucked him back down.

"No, no Bucky. Don't. No need to do that."

"Yes we have the need to do that! Look at you! You're literally blazing."

Steve groaned and reached up with his free hand to push the damp hair out of his face.

"Bucky no. It's alright. Sit back down, please. Just let me sleep."

So Steve _really_ was stubborn. Bucky decided to sit down, wait till he was asleep and then call the ambulance.

"Thanks."

Steve closed his eyes again. He pulled Bucky's hand to his chest, holding it there.

Bucky could feel his heartbeat against his hand, but it was irregular and erratic. His breath came in short bursts and he was still wheezing and his skin was clammy.

"Stevie..."

"Shht. Just stay here please."

Bucky ran a hand through Steve's hair and rested it on top of his head.

"Alright."

-

Someone softly touched his shoulder and Bucky stirred. When he sat up, he groaned because his neck was hurting so much, but then remembered where he was and shut his mouth.

"It's alright. He's still asleep."

Sarah's voice was close to his ear and he looked down at Steve, not up at her.

The blond was indeed asleep, breathing a bit more steadily now and his skin also felt cooler than it had on the night before.

"Come, I made breakfast."

She tenderly wrapped her hand around his upper arm and pulled him to his feet. Bucky followed her to the kitchen, unable to stop yawning.

Sarah pushed him into a chair at the kitchen table and sat down a plate of pancakes in front of him. He smiled up at her and muttered a thanks before he started to eat. She sat opposite from him, watching him closely.

"You really stayed the whole night, didn't you?"

Bucky nodded and swallowed his mouthful.

"Yeah. I fell asleep... I hope that's no problem."

"Not at all. I am happy you did. I hate it when I have to leave him while he's sick, but I can't risk loosing my job."

Bucky understood that only to well.

"Would it be any help if I came over when I don't have to work myself? I could watch out for him while you're at work and you wouldn't have to worry."

A bright smile appeared on her face and she reached out to take his hand.

"I would appreciate that a lot, and Steve would like it too, I am sure."

He returned her smile, "We'll do that than."


	4. Chapter 4

"You suck at this."

Steve grinned up at him and Bucky pulled a face, grabbing the eraser again for what felt like the millionth time.

"I know. But hey, you could at least _pretend_ that I am not _that_ bad."

The blond tilted his head and looked sideways at Bucky, absentmindedly chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"I could, yeah, but what for? You're good enough even if you can't draw _one bit_."

Bucky sighed.

Steve always knew what to say and that was exactly the problem. He wanted to be Steve's friend, but there was something else stirring in his chest. Some mighty want to protect Steve and take care of him whenever he became sick, but not only that ... because friends would do that for each other too.

No, there was more. Bucky just hoped it wasn't showing in his eyes in cerain situations. Like when Steve leaned his head against Bucky's shoulder, dozing off. Or when he kept pulling Bucky's hand close to his heart to fall asleep. Just the little things, really.

Steve took the pencil out of his hand and put it with the sketchbook into the drawer of his nightstand before he looked up at him.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Bucky looked down, barely able to hold Steve's gaze.

"Nothing. Really. Just glad that I don't have to work today."

"Ah, and people always call _me_ a terrible liar. You're not any better, though."

" 'M not lying, Steve."

Steve chuckled, pinched his arm and then lay down on the bed.

"Alright Mr.Honest... I am going to nap for a while if that's okay with you."

" 'Course."

He hardly dared to move when Steve stretched out next to him with his back against Bucky's side, snuggling close. Bucky had no idea how long he would be able to keep this going without spilling his secret, especially not now that he knew how poor Steve's health was... It was a difficult thing to think about, but if things got worse one day, time was running short for Steve. For them.

He didn't want to admit it at all, but he felt more for Steve than just friendship. Ever since the blond had came into his life – because Bucky almost stepped on him – it had been turned upside down. Before he felt like every other man too, having a daily routine and sometimes longing for a better life. There had been dark days too. The ones on which he had felt just lonely and like something essential was missing, but with Steve ... Well, Steve brought the light back into his life, doing nothing more than simply exist.

As time passed, Bucky and Steve became practically inseperable. Whenever Bucky was off work, he would visit Steve and his Ma and he spent more time at their place than at his own apartment.

With time, he also learned to lock his feelings for Steve safely away in his heart, treating him like the friend he was, maybe sometimes even like a brother. It was a good time. It was a good time whenever Steve wasn't sick, because those were the times when Bucky couldn't concentrate on anything at all, with the constant worry for Steve on his mind. Although with time he learned to handle that too.

-

"Geez, Bucky, I hate you."

Steve wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, still leaning over the trashcan.

"I am sorry Stevie! If I would've known -- I mean, I didn't know you would take it like that or I wouldn't have made you do it!"

The words left his mouth in a jumble and he wiped his sweaty hands on his jacket, nervously licking his lips.

"Forgive me. Please?"

Steve muttered something under his breath and then looked up.

"Jerk."

"So sorry! Look, sit down and I will go and grab some cotton candy. Somebody once told me it's supposed to help when you're feeling sick."

He pushed Steve down on one of the benches and then hurried off, looking for cotton candy.

Bucky felt so bad, because Steve had had to throw up because of him and he hoped that the blond wasn't too angry about it. Bucky just didn't believe it when he had said that he didn't want to go on the new rollercoaster ride, claiming that he would surely throw up. If he had only believed Steve...

Steve was gone.

Bucky returned to the exact place where he had left Steve, but the blond was gone.

"Steve?!"

He looked around, searching the crowd, but couldn't find the blond anywhere. He dumped the cotton candy into the trash and went to look for his friend. After looking for what seemed like hours to him, he came to the conclusion that Steve must have went home without him and Bucky decided to check if Steve had come back safely on his way home.

"What you staring at, huh?"

A buff dude suddenly stood in front of him, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"Piss off, will you?"

Bucky really had no mind to deal with such people right then and walked around the guy, but a punch to the back of his head sent him, face first, to the ground.

"Don't you dare to tell me to piss off you fucker!"

A hard boot collided with his ribs and Bucky gasped when the air was knocked from his lungs. He somehow managed to scramble to his feet and landed a solid punch to the face of the attacker, feeling bone crack beneath his hand.

"You asshole broke my nose!"

"Good! Now fuck off before I break you something else!"

For a moment he thought that the other man would hit him again, but then he scrambled around and was off.

Bucky groaned when his head started to hurt and brought a back to the hand of his head, feeling something wet.

"Fantastic... What an asshole."

"Bucky?"

He whipped around at Steve's voice and chocked at his sharp intake of breath. Once he was able to speak again, he stumbled over to the blond and cradled Steve's face between his hands.

"I am gonna kill him."

And he perfectly meant it, turning around to see if he could still see the man who had punched him.

"Bucky, no. He isn't worth it."

"Look what he did! He isn't worth it that I let him get away with a broken nose only!"

Steve smiled, but flinched, obviously hurting his split lip. Not just that, his nose was bloody too and one of his eyes was swollen.

"Stevie. What happened? Where did you go?"

Steve sniffed and wiped at his nose when the blood threatened to run into his mouth.

"I heard that guy talk shit about you and went after him... When I told him to shut up, he didn't take it too well."

That was so typical Steve. Yet it made Bucky's thoat constrict with emotions.

"What could he have said that made you let him punch you? I mean, he was at least twice your size! He could've seriously hurt you."

Steve shrugged, "I don't care. He was talking bad about you -- and me too if it changes anything -- I won't let people talk about you like that if I can help it, Bucky."

"But what did he say?!"

He looked Steve in the eye while he wiped the blood off his face with his sleeve. Checking if some serious damage had been done.

"Called you queer... and me a fairy... Look, he was just saying mean things okay? I heard it and I reacted to it. I know it was dumb, but that usually doesn't stop me."

Bucky frowned, stopping what he was doing with his hand resting on Steve's jaw.

"Are you saying that you get beaten up more often?"

"Occasionally."

The way Steve looked away from him, made his lie evident.

"Yeah, occasionally is how often in your opinion?"

Bucky went back to wiping Steve's face, giving him time to make up his answer.

"Often... Really. It's okay though, I am used to it by now."

He brushed Bucky's hands aside and smiled up at him, acting all tough, but Bucky knew it wasn't okay. Not at all.

"You should just run away and not fight back. Is that so difficult?"

"I grew tired of running away after a while. Bullies deserve to be beaten back. I know I don't really hurt them, but I don't let them have their way with me at least..."

Bucky smirked, "You're a punk, but I admire you for your strength."

Steve blushed and now stepped away from Bucky.

"Let's walk home, it's late. But... Would you mind if I stayed at your place? Don't want my Ma to see me like this. I told her I might stay with you, so she won't worry..."

"Sure..."

-

Bucky always had thought that his couch was tiny, but with Steve sleeping on it, it looked huge.

Actually he had wanted his 'guest' to sleep in his bed, but Steve had insisted on sleeping on the couch, so Bucky eventually had given in.

Now he was walking around his apartment, unable to sleep and also trying desperately not to wake Steve on his way to the kitchen. There wasn't much in the fridge but he still had a bottle of beer and took it out, hoping it would help him settle his racing mind a bit.

While he stood there, leaning against the counter and sipping his drink, his thoughts drifted off again.

He still didn't quite know why Steve had taken beatings just because some weird ass idiot had called him and Bucky queer. Sure, it wasn't nice to call other people that, but it was nothing Bucky would get so worked up about that he would risk getting involved into a fight.

Although -- When it came to Steve, he wasn't sure about anything. That little blond was so very stubborn, he would probably try whatever other people call impossible...

"Bucky?"

Steve stood in the doorway, rubbing his eye -- the one that wasn't swollen -- and tried to stiffle a yawn.

"Did I wake you?"

Steve shook his head, walked over and snatched the bottle out of Bucky's hand to take a sip himself, smacking his lips in appreciation.

"This is good."

Bucky raised an eyebrow and Steve laughed, pushing the bottle back into his hand.

"Well, maybe because of you."

They watched each other for a moment, but then Steve yawned and shook his head again.

"Forgive me, I don't know what I am talking about. Gonna go back to sleep. Don't stay up too long."

With that he disappeared out of the room again, leaving a dumbfounded Bucky behind.

-

"Did he tell you what happened when we were at the amusement park?"

Bucky glanced sideways at Sarah while they were preparing dinner. Steve was out to fetch some things they would need so it was safe to ask her about it.

She smiled, "No, but I know that he got beaten up again... It was obvious this time. He usually tries to hide his injuries and thinks I don't know what's going on." She shrugged and handed him over a spoon to try the soup, "Of course I do know. I am his mother, I know when something is going on. I just wish he would tell me. Sometimes I just think that he needs somebody to talk to about it."

Bucky nodded, lost in thought, and handed her the spoon back.

"You know Bucky, I am really happy he met you. In those months he knows you now, he has changed. He seems more outgoing. I love the way he lights up when he tells me what you two were doing on a day out. Steve almost always stayed at home, never had much friends although he is such a good boy... I think he really needed to find someone like you."

That made him smile and she pulled him into a hug, kissing his temple.

Not only Steve's life had changed, but his too. He had a second family now and held both Steve and Sarah close to his heart. Whenever he felt like the world came crumbling down at him, he visited them and they always managed to cheer him up.

"I am back!"

Steve came into the kitchen, handed his mother a small bouquet of flowers and then started to put away the groceries. Bucky watched as Sarah pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek and went to look for a vase. Then he turned to look at Steve who was sticking his head into the fridge, looking for something.

"Hey Buck, did you see my sandwich?"

Bucky pulled a face and Steve shook his head in disbelief.

"You didn't eat it again, did you?"

" 'M sorry Stevie! I were hungry and thought you didn't want it anyways... I am gonna make you a fresh one."

Steve laughed, "Man, you're unbelievable!"

"What's going on boys?"

Sarah was back in the kitchen and looked back and forth between them.

Steve pointed at Bucky, still laughing and explained, "Well, our _James_ here ate my sandwich."

"James..." Bucky huffed and Steve grinned at him, "You know that I don't like that name, _Steven_."

Sarah's clear laughter suddenly filled the air and they looked at her, both smiling at the sound.

"What would I do without you two?"

"You wouldn't laugh nearly as much as you do now."

Steve smiled affectionately at his mother and she returned the smile, the love for her son very evident on his face.

As Bucky watched this, he wished that Steve would look at him the same way one day. With just as much love and affection in his eyes.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ... I think this is the shortest chapter so far, but there's a little treat in it ;) Hope you enjoy!

_Steve's back was resting against his chest and Bucky wrapped his arms around the blond, pulling him a little closer._

_It was a warm spring day and a soft breeze ruffled through Steve's hair, tickling Bucky's face. They were surrounded by the buzzing of the bees and the noises of a stream somewhere close by. A truly peaceful moment and Bucky would've given anything to keep it forever._

_"Bucky?"_

_Steve turned around and looked up at his face, his blue eyes bright in the sunlight._

_"Yeah?"_

_A small smile played around Steve's lips and he leaned closer, his breath hot on Bucky's face._

_"I am so happy to be here. With you."_

_Bucky just smiled himself and pulled the other man against his chest when their lips met in a sweet kiss..._

Bucky awoke with a yelp and pushed his hair out of his face with shaking hands.

A dream. It had only been a dream.

He cursed under his breath and slumped back into his pillow, taking deep breaths. This was just getting completely out of hand and he had to do something against his feelings for Steve. There was absolutely no way that he told the blond about the way he felt. It would cause just too much trouble for the both of them and, besides, Bucky was still pretty sure that he wasn't queer.

There was only one thing to do. A date. With a dame.

-

"Bucky, nooo."

Steve whined and clapped his hands in front of his face, blushing a deep shade of red.

Bucky laughed and pulled his hands away again, "Oh c'mon punk, you're gonna have fun."

But Steve shook his head and went to crawl under the blanket on his bed, hiding from view.

"There's no way I am going to that – that _thing_."

"That thing is called a date and yes, you will go along. Listen, if Helen is as sweet as her sister, you will like her."

"I don't care."

Bucky laughed again and pulled the blanket away, grinning down at Steve.

"Come now. Get ready, we can't let the ladies wait."

-

"This is so embarrassing... God, I hate you Bucky. I quit."

Steve wanted to turn on his heels, but Bucky reached out and grabbed his arm, dragging him along. Helen and Mary – Bucky's date – were already waiting, both of them looking at him and ignoring Steve who still tried to get away.

"Stop it now Steve! Look, she's gorgeous."

The blond peered around his back.

"Which one?"

"On the right."

Steve stopped struggling for a moment and looked closely at Helen. Then he snorted and freed himself of Bucky's grip.

"And you think she wants to spend the night with _me_? She doesn't even look at me right now."

Ah, right. He had totally forgotten that Steve had no idea how special he was...

"I am sure she will like you. Mary is a nice girl, I think her sister is too."

-

Long story short, it was a disaster. Bucky knew that Steve had done his best, but Helen just didn't seem to really notice him. At first it had looked like they would get along somehow, but after a while she had kept ignoring Steve and only talked to Bucky instead who had ended up with both girls clinging to his arms and Steve trailing behind them.

However – Bucky decided that he wouldn't give up. Even if it was a bit selfish since the main reason for all those dates was, that he wanted to get rid of his feelings for Steve, he also kept in mind that Steve deserved to be happy and that meant that he needed someone to love him.

It didn't take long until the blond grew tired of it all and he kept telling Bucky off for it, but in the end he would always come along but it would always end the same.

Steve did his best, Bucky could see that every single time, but no matter what his friend did, the dames just didn't seem to like him very much.

And that was really fucking ridicolous, because in his opinion, Steve was the greatest person in the whole world and if he wouldn't have been so fucking scared he had confessed his love to the blond.

_Eventually he did..._

_-_

"'M sorry Stevie... they were both terrible, tho."

Bucky emptied his beer and grabbed another bottle. Steve nodded sullenly and downed his own drink, already considerably drunk.

"Y'know what Buck? I guess I will just give up. It's no wonder that the dames won't look at me... I am tiny and skinny and pathetic... and especially next to _you_ they would never look at _me_."

Bucky shook his head and pushed another bottle into Steve's hands.

"Don't be silly punk. You're great, they're just too stuck up to see it... and really, I am not that fantastic."

Steve sighed and looked up at him with his big blue eyes, "You are."

Bucky was still sober enough to know that Steve surely didn't know what he was saying, but that didn't help at all when the blond moved closer, his head resting on Bucky's shoulder, and his breath brushing over his neck.

"Steve..."

"Shht. Let me enjoy this for a moment."

Bucky's breathing hitched and he felt his heart hammer against his ribcage, threatening to burst through his chest at any moment. Steve's lips curled in a smile and he reached up, placing his hand just above Bucky's heart.

"Am I doing this to you?"

Bucky swallowed, not sure if he should answer or not, but Steve made that decision for him. The blond looked up, still smiling and placed his other hand on Bucky's cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

"Tell me Bucky, do I make your heart beat like that?"

He was close... So damn close.

"Yeah..."

Steve's smile grew wider and his hand moved on Bucky's face, Steve's fingertips now trailing over his lips, sending shivers down his spine.

"Steve – I..."

"It's alright."

Steve straddled his legs and Bucky went rigid, not sure at all what to do or how to function. His brain had stopped working a while ago and now his emotions went haywire, his heart beating so fast it almost hurt.

 _What_ was Steve doing? _Why_ was he even doing it?! Heck, Bucky had tried everything to stop loving him and now he was doing _this_!

"Stevie – we – we can't do this. You know – all the trouble – people will talk – we can't."

The blond cupped his face between his hands and moved closer ever so slowly, still with that magnificent smile on his lips.

"We won't tell anybody, okay? Just tell me if you don't want this."

Bucky quickly shook his head and Steve stopped moving, the smile slowly fading from his face, taking Bucky's reaction the wrong way.

"No. I mean – I – Actually... I want this."

The smile was back and Steve's lips brushed over his for the tiniest moment and light as a feather but it was enough to make Bucky react.

He placed his hands on Steve's narrow waist, pulling him close, while his lips found Steve's again, so very desperate for the other man's taste and now that he got it, it made his head spin. Steve moaned into the kiss and pressed closer to Bucky's chest, his hands now in Bucky's hair.

When they eventually broke away from each other to catch their breath, Steve was blushing and his lips were swollen from their kiss, making Bucky long for more instantly.

Steve smiled and moved his hands down to Bucky's neck, caressing the skin there.

"Drunk kisses are nice."

He grinned wickedly, but then yawned and climbed off Bucky's lap.

Bucky tried his best not to show his disappointment. He had known, after all, that it only happened because Steve was drunk, but still – it hurt to hear it like that.

"You should go to bed, I will take the couch tonight."

Steve nodded and got to his feet, slouching off to the bedroom.

So they had kissed ... Probably for the first and last time. Would Steve even remember in the morning? Bucky doubted it.

He didn't find much sleep that night, dreams of Steve constantly waking him up. Dreams that went so much further than just a kiss...

 


	6. Chapter 6

-Steve-

He woke early in the morning. Too early – the sun had only begun to rise. His head felt like he had hit it against a wall several times and he groaned when he sat up.

Steve looked around the room, taking it all in. He had been here before, yes, but after what had happened on the previous night it all felt different. He had never paid much attention to all the little things Bucky was keeping in his bedroom. There was only one photograph and Steve assumed it was of his parents. Otherwise there were a couple of books, some drawings – clearly made by children – and Steve knew Bucky had got them from his foster siblings.

What kept drawing back his eyes though were the drawings that were neatly hung up on the wall, in picture frames that were practically dust free – unlike the other stuff in the room.

It were drawings Steve had made and cast aside, thinking them not good enough. Obviously Bucky had collected them all and now hung them on his wall.

Steve had absolutely no idea what to make of that.

He felt kinda proud that Bucky thought his drawings good enough even when he himself didn't, but on the other hand it was a bit ... upsetting.

Not that he was angry because Bucky had took them without telling him, not at all. It was more that fact that he had taken them at all. For a while Steve had been wondering how Bucky was feeling about him and after they – after what had happened, Steve knew that he hadn't been too wrong about what he had been assuming. He had hoped that he was wrong, though.

Had hoped that he was imagining it all, that Bucky was just a really close friend. Nothing more than like a brother to him... But now. Now everything had changed and Steve knew that he had to do something about it. It just couldn't be. He knew what happened to that sort of people and he was afraid that somebody would find out about Bucky's feelings and that somebody would hurt him for them. Steve didn't mind if somebody would beat him up for it, but Bucky ... He wanted Bucky to be safe.

And there was only one way to make sure that Bucky was safe.

He walked into the living room as silently as possible and looked over at Bucky who was still fast asleep. He lay sprawled over the couch, one arm hanging over the edge, his fingertips touching the floor and his mouth was slightly open.

Steve smiled when he heard the soft snoring and hesitated for a moment – tempted to touch Bucky. _Just one last time._

He shook his head then, took a deep breath and left the apartment.

 

-Bucky-

He woke when he thought he heard the door being closed and looked around, yawning. Deciding that it had been just his imagination, he went back to sleep, thankfully not plagued by weird dreams anymore.

He woke again a couple hours later when the sun was already shining through the window, warming his skin. Bucky looked around, wondering if Steve was already up, but couldn't hear anything. His mind wandered back to the previous night and he wondered if it would have an effect on their friendship... Probably Steve wouldn't remember anything, though.

Bucky got up and walked into the kitchen to make coffee before he went to the bedroom, intending to wake Steve, just to find that the bedroom was empty.

His heart sank when he realized that Steve must have left a while back and the note on the bed couldn't mean anything good.

Bucky walked over and picked the small piece of paper up, turning it around with shaking fingers to read it.

_Bucky,_

_I am terribly sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have done it. Knowing what you feel and all. I am sorry. I think it's better if we don't meet for a while. To let it all settle and just forget about it, because that's what we should do: Forget about it._

_I will come back to you as soon as I feel ready. Please don't be angry. Although I would totally understand if you were. Sorry..._

_\- Steve_

He stared down at Steve's neat handwriting and his chest tightened in a way he hadn't experienced before.

This couldn't be true. Steve couldn't have left him. Not just like that. He needed him. Steve was his light. The one who had made him forget about that darkness that had threatened to envelope him. Bucky had been sure that they would be together till the end of his life. Forever. Never would he have thought that Steve would go just like that. It would've been alright if they had stayed just friends, but the thought that Steve wasn't a part of his life anymore filled him with despair.

Should he go and see Steve? Talk to him? Try to convince him that Bucky was able to keep his feelings locked away, that they wouldn't have to kiss ever again? Would it do any good?

He doubted it ...

-

During the next weeks, Bucky was a mess. He was constantly late to work because he kept staying up too late, drinking too much. He also kept wandering around the block at night and early in the morning, hoping to run into Steve, but never did. It was like the blond had disappeared. Like he had never been there, really.

After being late again, Jim gave him a piece of his mind and told Bucky that if he was late ever again, he would loose his job. He didn't care.

The days weren't so bad, the nights were much worse. He would sit in his flat, without any lights on and just drink. Sometimes he would fetch Steve's drawings from the bedroom, hugging one close to his chest, because it made him feel a little less alone. The drawings were all he had left of Steve and the thought that Steve's hands had touched the paper, was a reassuring one.

-

"Bucky? - Hey, Buck! - _James_!"

His head shot up and he stared directly into the angry face of one of his brothers. Michael was four years younger, but they had always been close.

"What's going on with you, huh? Ma has been calling you a couple of times and you just wouldn't react."

"Sorry," he rubbed his face and got to his feet.

Michael glanced up into his face, looking worried now.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just – I am just tired. I take it dinner is ready?"

"Yeah."

They walked downstairs together and Anne gave Bucky the same worried look he had just received from Michael.

"Are you becoming sick? You look pale."

Bucky shook his head and sat down next to her, pulling his plate closer although he didn't feel hungry at all.

"I am fine. Sorry for not hearing your calls."

She nodded, but ignored her own food, watching him closely instead.

"You really do look sickly. Are you sure that you're feeling well? Did something happen? You haven't talked about Steven for a while, did you two fight?"

_Steve..._

"No Ma. It's all good. I am just tired, 's all."

She frowned, "I always get that answer from you. I am worried. You've changed since you've moved out. Are you sure that living alone is the right thing for you?"

"Yes. I am. It would be weird to stay here now that I am eighteen."

"Being eighteen is no reason to move out."

Bucky was looking down at his plate, absent mindedly picking at his food.

"I am fine. I promise."

"So how is Steve doing?"

Why was it, that mothers always knew exactly what was going on!? It was like they were all part of some secret spying society.

He sighed and put his cutlery aside, looking up at Anne.

"Alright. Steve and I had a fight. It's all a bit weird at the moment and I don't know how to handle it, because I don't want to loose him, but I am fine otherwise."

She tilted her head and reached out to touch his cheek, smiling softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I am sure we will work it out eventually..."

Actually he had no idea if he would ever talk to Steve again or if the blond would just stay away. Thinking about it was definitely too difficult so Bucky tried to avoid it at all times. Now that his mother had asked about it, he couldn't help but think about how Steve was doing, if he was sick again or if he was just going on with life.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Super short, I know! But it's kinda cute so I wanted to upload it anyways, since it's going to be a bit rougher starting with the next chapter ... Didn't want to ruin the feeling of this chapter!  
> Hope you still like it! :)

Snow was swirling past his face, crunching under his shoes as he walked home. He had been visiting his parents and Anne had made sure that he would turn up for Christmas. At first Bucky wanted to refuse, but eventually realized that it would be better if he had company during the holidays.

It had been a bit more than two months since he had talked to Steve and it was still bothering him alot. He missed Steve all the time and was still hoping that they would just bump into each other on the street, but they didn't. He had walked past Steve's home countless times, but never dared to go knocking at his door, afraid of what could happen if he did so. Beisdes, Steve had written in his letter that he would come and see Bucky once he was ready for it again.

How much longer did he need, though?

When Bucky turned around the corner into his street, someone ran into him and he fell into the muddy snow, cursing loudly.

However, his voice got stuck in his throat when slender hands were wrapped around his wrists and pulled him onto his feet again.

"I am so sorry, Bucky."

His mind went blank. It was a bit like his brain had stopped functioning while his heart had decided that it no longer wanted to stay inside his body. If Steve hadn't still been holding on to his arms, he was sure he would've fallen straight back to the ground.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Steve looked worried up at him and Bucky nodded once, still not able to form words. Instead he fumbled for his keys in his pocket and silently handed them over to Steve. The blond smirked, unlocked the door and pulled Bucky along.

Only when they entered his apartment, was Bucky able to function again and he took off his jacket, never taking his eyes off Steve, afraid that he would disappear into thin air.

"What brings you here?"

Steve shrugged out of his coat and held Bucky's gaze for a moment before he talked.

"I had to see you."

"Why now?"

A bitter laugh left Steve's lips and he ran a hand through his hair, still looking at Bucky whose heart was beating so fast it hurt.

"Just because..."

His voice trailed off and Steve took a step towards him, cupping Bucky's face with both his hands. Bucky knew what was going to happen. This could only mean one thing and – God – he was almost sure that this was some wicked hallucination he was having or something like that. Steve couldn't be doing that. He just couldn't. After all that had happened, Bucky was sure it wasn't what Steve wanted. And yet here they were, their faces only inches apart and Steve's breath tasted so sweet Bucky had to suppress a moan.

"I shouldn't have left like that... Heck, I shouldn't have left at all, but I were so scared Bucky... I am so sorry."

He couldn't talk, for the sake of it all, Bucky couldn't form a single word. Steve just smiled and caressed Bucky's cheek with his thumb, still inching closer, their lips now almost touching.

"Can we kiss again?"

Steve's voice was barely more than a whisper and Bucky just nodded hastily and then kissed the blond with all the pent up love he felt for him. In hindsight he wished that he would've kissed him differently, because it was a sloppy, greedy kiss but in that moment he just couldn't hold back.

Steve's hands were dropping to his shoulders and held on to Bucky, his chest rising and falling rapidly while he was moaning into the kiss. Only when Steve started to draw away, did Bucky realize what was really going on and he pulled back, breathing heavily.

"Sorry. My feelings got the better of me."

Steve chuckled weakly and ran a hand through Bucky's hair.

"That's okay. Really. It was – uh – good, I guess?"

Bucky laughed too and pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead.

"Yeah, it was."

-

The spent the remaining evening on Bucky's couch. For a while they just sat there, leaning against each other in complete silence, but eventually they started to talk what had happened in their time apart. Steve confessed that he had had pneumonia again and how terrible it had been, especially because Bucky wasn't around and Bucky told him that he shouldn't have been such a stubborn idiot and just called him.

"Couldn't have done that, could I?"

Steve grinned up at him, his blue eyes alive with mirth.

"Whyever not?"

"Would've kissed you right away if you came over and, believe me, pneumonia is a shitty disease to have."

Bucky shook his head.

"You're a punk."

"And you are a jerk. I mean, who walked past my house over and over again, but never came knocking?"

"You saw me?"

The blond nodded, "Yup. One time I wanted to come after you, but decided I would wait until you were brave enough to come and seek me out."

"I wouldn't have, because you said you would come to me..."

"I know. Now I am here, right?"

Bucky nodded and kissed him tenderly, pulling Steve into his arms.

"And I am forever thankful that you are."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there are any spelling/grammar errors! I always like to hear what my readers think, so reviews would be appreciated :) I started writing this because I discovered my new fondness for Bucky and think that he has so much potential! You can also find me on tumblr! url: captain-wants-starbucks


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